Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize