i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
