please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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