I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
