Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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