I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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