Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
