Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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