Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This is classic penis vs brain.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
