Soap is not a condiment
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Can I color on your dick again?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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