I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
