U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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