During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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