I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
