we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
