what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
