she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Still dying that you shit outside
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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