So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
