I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
