i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We need to get me chipped asap
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
