'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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