we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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