i just google imaged poop.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
