Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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