you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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