The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
