All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize