Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
