I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
