Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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