omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
