I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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