I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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