check it out our google latitudes are spooning
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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