some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
