you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
