your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
