I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
