It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
