did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
