Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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