i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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