just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
ttyl tear gas
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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