My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
