Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
