Kiss
Puke
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
