I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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