wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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