hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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