i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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