carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
