okay pat passed out under dana's car
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
