I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
my liver is dry heaving
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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