if i can run in heels then i can drive
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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