last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I understand Curling. That high.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize