Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
