There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
