ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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