Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
