My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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