At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
