he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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