Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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