I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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