That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
