apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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