I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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