You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize