Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
