I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
