Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
