Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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