I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
