its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Congratulations! We have a period
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
