Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize