I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
