This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
