We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
