You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
