All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
