Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
