Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think your dad took our porno
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize