did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
