I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
