smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
