My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
